Diagnosis and Revision: Newsletter 1

The following was a request to improve the leading text on a newsletter. The typos have been graciously repaired to focus on the change in tone rather than the correction of technical mistakes. The original lacks a focus on the self-importance of the subject and the excessive use of the passive voice. The Unedited Text […]

Diagnosis and Revision: Small Print 1

The following small print for a promotional campaign (business details removed) was given to me for revision. It’s cold, problematic to read, and has specific coherence issues. My rewrite focused on making the reception of the information more natural by reducing the overall length of the paragraph. The unedited text To pre-order, please fill out […]